The Recovery
by Kusco
Summary: Annie's first day at Rehab, almost her last. Follow up to "The Reason".


"I rock because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because Celine Dion sucks. It's a vicious cycle."

Annie blinked a couple of times as Vance sat back down in his seat. When Doctor Sam, her rehab counselor who insisted on first names, invited her to her first group session only an hour after she checked in, the last thing she expected was to hear from a man about his addiction to rock and roll and air guitar.

But there he was, sitting in a chair and bobbing his head to whatever song played in his head. Annie really tried not to focus on the way his massively wide afro swayed with each shake of the head but it was hypnotic. Almost as hypnotic as watching him squeeze that thing through a door.

Her own hands trailed unconsciously to her hair. It was finally starting to feel like something was there. During her… episode, she'd thought her hair was exposed wires. She chopped a lot of it off in the girl's bathroom only minutes before running through a plate glass door.

One of the first things her mom did after she got out of the hospital was to hire a stylist to 'adjust' Annie's hair. This was also when Annie really became acquainted with her mother's quotation mark fetish. The hair "adjustment" was all part of the "program" to make the "The Incident" disappear. This also included a diet to trim the "Baby Fat". Annie had lost twenty pounds in her last months of high school… but she was still twenty pounds over weight. But the funny thing was that with all the "programs", "plans" and "adjustments", the word _treatment_ never came up.

The end result of the "adjustment" involved more scissors, bobby pins and a few extensions but Annie came out at least _looking_ like she had a full head of hair that came to just below her ears. By now it had regrown enough that she didn't need the extensions either.

Another rehab patient got up. Some bald guy introducing himself as Allan. Annie tried not to look at him. He'd leered at her from the moment she walked into the cafeteria. Self consciously, Annie had put her head down and folded her arms in front of her. She just didn't know how to deal with it.

In high school no one ever looked at her twice. Even her boyfriend Trent dumped her after they finally had sex. A couple of month's later she caught him making out with Sean McCready. And of course once Aubrey Nadderman found out, she made sure the entire school knew that Fatty Annie turned her boyfriend gay.

Fatty Annie.

She shook her head at remembering the name. At the beginning of the year, if someone had told her that she'd actually _miss_ being called that she would have laughed until it drew tears. But Fatty Annie and the scorn that came with it was nothing compared to Annie Adderall. Aubrey coined and minted the name. A constant reminder that Annie was the little girl that couldn't handle the pressure, couldn't handle the taunting, couldn't handle life.

No. She wasn't going down that road again. Not anymore. High School was over. As of yesterday when she threw her cap in the air, the hell she'd known as Riverside High was finally over. For a few brief seconds, as the cap came back down to her waiting hands, she allowed herself to actually feel the grin she wore.

Of course then someone smacked into her back and she missed the cap entirely. She scrambled to pick it up and by the time she stood she was amazed at how quickly the crowd scattered around her. She gripped the cap in both hands and watched her classmates settle into the same packs they always kept to and chatted excitedly about graduation parties and keggers.

None of which, of course, she was invited to.

Her mom and grandparents collected her shortly thereafter. Her Grandpa Edison showered her with kisses and hugs. Maybe it was his way of making up for the fact that her dad wasn't there. Not that Annie had really expected as much.

"Oh it's my turn!" an excited voice drew Annie from her thoughts. A gangly forty something jumped up, but instead of talking about his dependency issues he went around the circle distributing necklaces made out of bottle caps. When he reached Annie he shook her hand vigorously.

"So nice to see a new face!" he smiled pleasantly. "My name is Nancy."

"N… Nancy?"

"Yes, Nancy Bartholomew Wadsworth III!"

Annie did her level best to keep her face even. This man was the third in a line of men named Nancy?

"And it is so very good to meet you!" he continued and pressed a bottle cap necklace into her hands. "Please take this and remember even when you think you're alone you always have a friend in rehab!"

"…thanks?" Annie all but squeaked out.

Nancy just grinned then stood in front of the group and began recounting his life story about how he was addicted to sniffing exotic glues. It had started with Elmers and then moved onto rubber cement and so on until he was spending hundreds of dollars each month importing glues from all over the world so he could sniff them.

It was at this point that Annie really began questioning her decision to enroll herself here. The familiar voice in the back of her head, the one that sounded like her mother peaked up with a firm "I told you so! Rehab is for crazy people you see shopping at Walmart."

But Annie had researched this clinic before checking herself in. She used a public library computer to ensure her mother didn't discover that she planned on going to rehab. This place was supposed to be the finest clinic in the Greendale area. Her grandparents had gifted her a large sum of money for graduation and Annie poured it all into this rehab stint. What good did it do for her if she was the only one being treated for actual drug abuse while the rest of them needed to be wrapped up in straight jackets?

"Annie," Dr. Sam said. "Miss E. would you like to say anything? We're all here to listen."

"It's true," said a gaunt blond that didn't look much older than Annie. She wore a skin tight shirt that revealed each rib bone. She grabbed Annie's hand with freezing fingers. "Dr. Sam is very good at listening."

"Worth every dime," Allan nodded and his eyes trailed to Annie's breasts.

Annie snatched her hand away from the blond and tugged at her dress then folded her arms. Nancy cleared his throat until Allan stopped looking at her. Then in something that could have come from a cartoon, Vance reached into his afro and pulled out a ziplock baggie with several neatly folded tissues inside. He tossed them to Annie with a grin.

"Just in case you need them," he gave a thumbs up.

Annie bit her lip and turned her eyes to Doctor Sam then scanned the small circle of crazy people that surrounded her. She wasn't supposed to be here. How could she tell the doctor this? He just kept a soft smile trained on her. Annie gripped the bottle cap necklace tightly and took a breath. She had to say something.

"The doctor lied to me," she finally breathed out. "At the ambulance he said everything would be alright, he said that I would get better, and meet new people and that my small incident with substance abuse was ultimately for a reason… I think he lied. I think he lied to my mother just to make her feel better. I don't know why she hit him."

At some point in her little speech, Annie's eyes trailed down to her feet and she searched for a way to tell everyone here that she was checking out as soon as she could. She could beat the addiction on her own. She had to, these people couldn't understand, they were _crazy_, not unpopular, or ugly, or driven to the point of needing pills to function.

She didn't manage to say any of this though. An orderly had appeared while she stared at her shoes and whispered something to Dr. Sam. The easy smile he held faded slightly and his eyes darted to Annie.

"Nancy, why don't you lead the group for a little while…" he said.

Annie stiffened up and her ankles pressed tightly against the chair legs. He couldn't _leave_! Allan wanted to rape her! Vance probably had a chainsaw in his hair and the nameless blond probably wanted to eat all of her body fat! Not that she couldn't spare any, but the point remained. The only one that Annie wasn't afraid of was the man by the name of _Nancy_! That's how screwed up all of this was!

"…Annie, if you would come with me please?"

Her terror melted into confusion, but not so much that she didn't jump up so fast it knocked her seat back. Dr. Sam stood by the doorway and beckoned Annie to follow. She scurried after him as quick as her feet let her then fell into step alongside him as the door shut.

"These groups can be a little much at first," he said. "But stick with it Miss E."

She took a breath and glanced up at him. "I…I don't know sir. I've always sort of worked best alone. Group work never really turned out well for me before."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," she felt her heartbeat go down a bit now that she was away from that room. "Usually in high school, when the teacher announced that we had to work in groups my classmates would pretend to have appendicitis or allergic reactions to try and get out of being my partner, and even when they were forced to partner with me, I usually wound up doing all the work. Do… do you think there's a way for me to do rehab by myself? Maybe some reading material I could take home with me?"

Dr. Sam stopped walking and Annie paused too, not daring to look him in the eyes. He was probably furious that she snubbed his treatment methods.

"Personal, one on one, counseling is part of the treatment plan," he said patiently. "And if you truly want to not participate in group sessions we can make arrangements. But if I may, Annie, I truly believe you would benefit from group work."

"But I'm not like them!" Annie insisted, matching his eyes for the first time. "I… I had an… an… _incident_, that's all. An incident not a _condition_!"

The doctor's brows lowered slightly and he sighed. "Annie, it doesn't matter if you're like them or not. From what I observed from our initial interview when you checked yourself in, part of what led to your addiction was personal isolation. Let me ask you this. During your stay here, do you expect to haven any friends come and visit you?"

Annie missed a breath. She hadn't expected a question like that. Her hands trembled just a little and her lungs felt heavy. She hated that she didn't have to think about this answer at all. By now it was second nature.

"No," she whispered and folded her fingers over each other. "I don't have any friends."

Dr. Sam leaned down and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You can overcome your addiction on your own. But who will you share that victory with? Your recovery will have so much of a greater chance at lasting if you have others to share the burden with."

"But I'm not like them."

"And that's the point, your friends don't need to be like you, they just need to be willing to accept you. Those people in there will accept you Annie. None of them care what you look like, or what your GPA is, or even what led you to rehab. They just want to help you."

Annie glanced back down the hallway they'd come from. She tried not to, she really did. But a shiver ran up her spine. Couldn't he see that he was wrong about these people? Even if they weren't crazy he was wrong. Maybe they cared about other patients but she was the exception. She always was.

"Just think about it," he said and resumed walking.

For a moment she stood there, she thought this little chat was just so he could do this. Encourage her to stay then send her back in with those people. But he led her further down the hall. What else did he have in mind?

They quickly reached the destination and Annie's eyes wandered over the door they stood in front of. The words written proudly identified it as "Visitor Room F". Once she read it she turned to the doctor.

"Well it looks like you will have at least _one_ visitor while you're here, I'll be right here if you need me."

Annie stared at him a moment but his face remained fixed in an unreadable position. She shook her head and grabbed the doorknob. Nobody knew where she was. And she knew she was right that nobody cared one way or another.

But somebody stood in that room to prove her wrong. And the instant Annie saw her, she wanted to be back listening to Nancy talk about sniffing glue. The last person she expected and wanted to see stood in front of her and the door clicked shut behind her ominously. Even Aubrey would have been better.

"Mom?" Annie's insides twisted as the word came out.

Annie's mother crossed the distance between them and held up a piece of paper she clutched in her hand.

"This is all you have for me?" she said. "A note? You run away and all you leave is a note? At least your father had the decency to tell me to my face when he was leaving."

"H…how did you know I was even here?" Annie managed and tried to ignore that stab.

"Because you're my daughter and you never do anything halfway. If you were hellbent on rehab then you'd go to the best you could afford. Did you blow _all_ of your graduation money on this place?"

Annie tightened her lips together then nodded, keeping her head down. Her mother's hand came into view, clasping the bottle cap necklace, flicking a couple of caps between her fingers. Her lips curled slightly in disapproval before she let the necklace clatter to the ground.

"And look, they've already welcomed you to their clan. Do you have the white club jacket yet?"

"Mom please don't…"

"It's exactly like I told you it would be isn't it?"

Another nod. Annie hated herself for doing it. But she couldn't lie to her mother and say it was great here. Her eyes stung and she fought to maintain her composure. Not even a full day in and she was already terrified.

"Come here," her mother said, she stood there with her arms stretched out until Annie broke and ran to her.

Annie folded into her mother's arms and sobbed. As chilly as things had been ever since the "Incident", it felt like forever since she'd hugged her. She didn't notice how stiff her mother's arms were or how her hands barely touched her back. Right now all she could think was that her mom had come to rescue her. Home would finally feel like home again. After another squeeze her mother let go and pushed Annie back enough to smile at her.

"Well it looks like I got here just in time. Let's go get your things."

"Get my things?"

"We'll have you back in your own bed tonight and hopefully I can get our lawyer to have this little mistake stricken from your record. We don't want this showing up in any background checks."

Annie pinched her eyes closed. Nothing had changed. The same old arguments. The same things they fought over for weeks and months after Annie told her she wanted to go to rehab. She had them all memorized by now. Hell, she could compile a "Best of" list by now.

_ "What will it look like to future schools? Or employers?"_

_ "How will I explain to our neighbors where you went?"_

_ "What are they going to think at the next family reunion?"_

By now her mother was at the door but Annie stood up straight and did her best to keep her feet steady.

"Mom, I need help. Real help."

"Believe me Annie, I know," she said without even looking at her. "And that's why I came."

"No, I mean I need professional help! I… I can't do it on my own."

Her mother paused at the door and caught Annie's gaze. The momentary softness in her looks faded and she let go of the doorknob. "No Annie, you need to learn to control yourself and act like an adult. None of this would have happened if you could have exercised just a fraction of self control."

"The pills were _addictive_!" Annie held her hands out. "Robert never should have given them to me!"

"And that certainly didn't stop you from forging his signature so you could get your fix now did it?"

"I could barely think straight! Do you even know how many I was taking a day by that point? I was lucky I didn't break down sooner!"

"Robert almost lost his license thanks to you!" her mom snapped. "He still won't talk to me!"

"And I'm sorry!" the tears pricked her eyes again. "I'm sorry that I overdosed! I never meant to ruin anything between you and… and… Dr. Boyfriend! Do you think I like anything that happened? If I could change it I would! But I can't even go a single night without wishing I could have just one more! Sometimes I feel like I can't concentrate on even a paragraph without losing focus! Why can't you see that I need this?"

"Because it's always about you," her mother crossed her arms. "I sometimes wonder how I raised such a spoiled brat. You didn't care what you addiction would do to me and my relationships. You didn't care that I'd become _that_ woman at the office. The one that had a daughter who couldn't control herself. No, it was all about you and what passing whim caught _your_ fancy. I've only ever been trying to protect this family even when every member of it just wants to tear it apart. You're just like your father."

"Oh, so what other people think is more important than whether I'm healthy? Is that what you think mom?"

"Fine," her mother faced her completely. "Let's say I indulge you again. What then? You think being here is actually going to do you any good? When you leave you'll be exactly the same. The same chunky, rebellious little girl who only cares about herself and is still claws for any shred of attention she can get. This place won't change you Annie. Nobody ever changes. Now go get your things and come with me. You're leaving."

For a half second Annie's legs moved on their own. She usually went into "auto-obey" mode whenever her mother used that tone. But this time it wasn't the tone that most affected her. The words cut far deeper. As deep as the plate glass she'd fallen through.

Annie took in as much air as she could and stood up as straight as possible. Her attempt to look big and grown up was probably thwarted by the tears that leaked from the corners of her eyes but she couldn't let her mother do this to her anymore.

"I'm staying." She forced the words out with a crackling voice.

"No you're not. You're coming with me and that's the end of it. I'm tired of fighting you Annie."

"So am I," her voice grew slightly more determined. She blinked and this time no tears rolled down her face. "I'm sorry I'm not your perfect little girl but I have to do this. It will own me for the rest of my life if I don't."

"I'm your mother and you'll come with me."

"I'm eighteen years old. I'm not coming home until I've completed the course."

Annie's mother just stared at her for a few moments, deep frown lines traced her face and her nostrils flared a little with each breath. Her brows quivered slightly as she met eyes with her daughter and she looked like she might have pounced at any moment. Almost as if she was trying to break Annie's will with a hard stare. Briefly, it almost worked but Annie knew what would happen to her if she went home. More of what she just received and isolation.

Dr. Sam was right. Annie needed to be with people that didn't care what she did.

"Fine," her mother finally said. "If you want to play as an adult, I won't stop you. But when you complete your little vacation in the nut house, find yourself your own place. You won't be welcome in my home."

"Mom…"

"No, adults don't live with their parents. You'll live on your own and you won't get a cent of support from me. Because that's what you want, and as I always do, I'm giving you what you want. This is the price of your adulthood. I hope you enjoy it!"

Before Annie could say anything else her mother threw the door open and slammed it behind herself. For several minutes Annie remained rooted right where she stood. She tried as hard as she could to stop it, but the tears came back in full force. For years she dreamed of standing up to her mother like that. She always imagined herself being the one marching to the door and slamming it. She always thought she'd be elated to finally, definitively tell that woman how she felt.

Now she was disowned.

She really was alone now.

She slipped onto one of the soft chairs that furnished the visiting room. She fought against it. She was so tired of crying. But the weight of what just happened sunk too hard on her heart and she wound up sobbing into her hands. In the back of her mind she remembered that that weird little group would accept her, but she also knew that none of them could ever replace her family. None of them could ever really be a mother to her.

The door opened again but Annie barely noticed. She kept her shoulders hunched and sobbed hard enough that her body shook. It was probably Dr. Sam or Nancy. But it didn't matter. She was alone in a funny house.

"Excuse me I'm looking for my church…" a friendly voice started then trailed off. Annie looked up for a moment but couldn't get a good look at the woman through the tears.

"I'm sorry sweetie… is everything okay?"

Annie tried to blink the tears away but more came and she all she could do was shake her head and shudder into her hands again. The door clapped shut and footsteps neared. A warm hand suddenly found her back and rubbed it gently.

"You look like you need a hug, is it alright if I hug you?"

She barely managed something that resembled a nod, and without any idea who this person was, Annie found herself wrapped in large yet motherly arms. Somehow it felt like snuggling in a warm blanket. The woman's hands squeezed tightly and soothed up and down her back.

"You'll be okay," she said. "Whatever is wrong will be okay. There are good people here and they'll help you get better. They helped me quit drinking. So whatever is your problem don't give up! Do you hear me? Don't give up because you don't know it yet but I can just tell that you're going to make other people happy someday. You seem nice. "

Annie's mind fought against what she was hearing. She wanted to focus on how alone she was and how she'd just lost the only family she had. But this woman's embrace melted any such thoughts. And her voice was sweet enough to be a cartoon characters but it still friendly and caring enough that it made her own mother's voice sound like a scratched record.

"Remember, you're never alone sweetie," the woman cooed. "I have a friend named Jes-"

"Mrs. B! There you are!" Dr. Sam's voice interrupted. "You just missed your church group. They're loading into the bus right now."

"Oh my goodness gracious me!" Mrs. B. said, Annie pulled away and started rubbing the tears from her eyes, the woman suddenly kissed her forehead the moved away. "I'm sorry honey but I have to go. Just stick with Dr. Perry here and he'll help you. Also I left something on the table for you. Take care pumpkin!"

Annie had just cleared her eyes by in time to see the woman's backside disappear out the door. She almost jumped up to go after her but she could hear high heels clicking on the floor and knew she wouldn't catch her. Dr. Sam came and knelt on one knee in front of her.

"Are you okay Annie?"

"I…" Annie started, she could still feel the warmth of the woman's hands on her back. "I think I will be. Can we go back to the rehab group now? I need to talk about my addiction."

"Of course," he smiled at her and Annie for the first time today smiled back.

"She called you Dr. Perry?"

"Secret's out," he shrugged. "Sam Perry. I specialize in pediatrics but work here on weekends as a counselor. Now come on, the group is waiting for you."

Annie nodded and stood up, pausing just slightly to lift the bottle cap necklace off the floor. It didn't matter if it was weird, or that a man with a woman's name made it. Somehow she liked it, at least for now.

She started toward the door but Dr. Sam stopped her.

"You forgot the present that Mrs. B left you," he said and nodded toward the small coffee table.

Annie smiled and picked up the tiny bundled of napkins. A kindness from a stranger. She unwrapped the napkins and smiled at what she found underneath. Everything about that woman screamed 'mother'. This was no exception. Only a mom would leave someone something as simple as a brownie.


End file.
